


Melancholic Longing of a Crestfallen Soul

by IneffableDepression



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Idk i think its sweet, Kinda, M/M, Minor Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Or Is It?, Unrequited Love, but not really tbh, idk how to tag tbh, maybe a little sad, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23759563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IneffableDepression/pseuds/IneffableDepression
Summary: Dee had a crush on his best friend. It’s not like anyone would know though. And anyways that’s all it would ever be; a crush. Because Logan was already in love with someone else.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 8
Kudos: 42





	Melancholic Longing of a Crestfallen Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this after listening to Heather by Conan Fray because I felt like someone stabbed my blood pumping organ.

Dee was absolutely perfectly fine. He was fine. Perfectly so. He was fine, fine. Fine…

  
Right?

  
He had to be. There’s no reason he should feel so miserable. Like there was a thick clump of feelings worming their way up his throat. Making him feel insignificant. Or like there was a dense cloud of melancholy spinning around his heart. Like it would split in half at any point in time. Like it already had. He couldn’t feel that way.

  
He should have been happy for Logan. He remembers all those times hanging out in each other’s room when they would chat for hours and hours and he remembers when in especially meaningful moments when they would hang from the bed and just stare at the ceiling and Logan would turn around and asked if he thought anyone could ever want to date him and he remembers all those times he thought yeah me. But would instead answer that of course they would and list little lovable things that made Dee fall in love with Logan a little more and a little deeper and a little more painfully and painfully and painfully. He remembers those times like they were yesterday.

And Dee should have been happy that Logan finally has someone who holds his hand while they walk so Lo doesn’t feel alone. Who boops his nose when he’s down. Who smiles at his dorky jokes. Who doesn’t mind his lack of knowledge for pop culture. Who enjoys when Lo’s eyes light up while he talks about what he enjoys. Who loves Lo. Or, well, Dee should be happy Logan has someone _else_ who does all those things.

  
But he wasn’t.

  
And he hated Patton for doing all that. He hated that, because Patton could kiss Lo. And Patton could take Lo on dates. And Patton could call stargazing with Lo a date. And Patton could cuddle with Lo. And Patton could wear Lo’s clothes with a hidden meaning. And Patton could call himself Lo’s boyfriend. While Dee, couldn’t.

Dee remembers when he used to sit next to Logan under the big tree on top of the school’s hill the one that over looks the cafeteria and felt like it gave a haven that only the two of them knew. He remembers when he would shiver and Logan would take off his jacket and make Dee put it on while he read his book and Dee drew in his sketchbook and they sat there in a comfortable silence.

  
But then Patton came along. And Dee didn’t have Logan’s sweater anymore. And the hill wasn’t a safe haven for just Lo and him anymore. And they couldn’t sit there in a nice silence because Patton was there.

  
And yet the worse part about all of it was that he couldn’t bring himself to fully _hate_ Patton.

  
Because Patton was a sweetheart. And Patton was a literal ray of sunshine. And Patton would bring enough cookies for all of them. And Patton would always make sure to bring Dee along when he and Lo went out. And he made sure to make Lo feel included no matter what. And he never made Lo choose between the two of them.

The thing is that hurt him even more. Because all those times Patton kissed Lo. And took Lo in dates. And cuddled with Lo. And wore Lo’s clothes. And every time Patton said Logan was his boyfriend, Dee couldn’t help but put himself in Patton’s place. Imagining himself kissing Lo, and taking Lo on dates, and cuddling with Lo, and wearing Lo’s clothes as more than friends, and calling himself Logan’s boyfriend.

  
He remembers that crucial day like it had been yesterday. He remembers declining Patton’s offer to join him and Dee at the park. He remembers crying for a bit after he got home. And he remembers telling himself to stop feeling sorry for himself before deciding to just do his homework. And he remembers hearing his doorbell while he was in the middle of the 7th question of his advanced calculus homework. And he remembers his mother yelling up the stairs that it was for him and going down confused before seeing Logan standing there.

  
He remembers asking Logan what was wrong why wasn’t he with Patton? He remembers Logan saying that they broke up just then. He remembers asking why. And then he remembers one of the happiest moments of his life, when Logan said that Patton broke up with him because he loved Logan and he hated seeing him with someone he really didn’t love, he said that he wasn’t who Logan really loved and that he’d been with that person for years so go run to him. Patton said smiling with wet eyes and walking away. The funny thing Logan had said was that he didn’t even have to think about who he was talking about.

And Dee remembers most of all grabbing Logan’s face and dragging him into a kiss.

  
“Now I know this all sounds like a fictional story and all but that’s really how we started dating!” said Dee “And considering that you’re all here for our wedding I’d say it was a pretty good idea!”

  
And he leaned in for a kiss with his now husband.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you enjoyed reading this!!! Personally I don't think I ever realized how therapeutic it is to use your feelings to write. Leave me a comment!! I'd love to hear from you!!
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @[IneffableDepression](https://ineffabledepression.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Do not post my stories elsewhere without my permission! Thank you!


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